Different Types of Loss

Loss leads to grief, but sometimes we don’t even realise that we are grieving.  We tell ourselves (or others tell us!) that we need to get over it, pull our socks up, just get on with things.  So we stuff those losses down and pretend that we have indeed moved on.  Sadly, if we don’t have the opportunity for a loss to be acknowledged and subsequent grief validated, our lives eventually become unfulfilling. 

Some people cope by working all the time, drinking, smoking or over-eating.  They might throw themselves into sexual relationships.  Others may gamble, spend uncontrollably or keep themselves constantly busy.  Unfortunately, all of these strategies only have a band-aid effect when it comes to covering up the pain.  It is still always there underneath.

There are many different types of loss.  

Loss of Plans, Hopes & Dreams for the Future – miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, infertility, relationship, job, career, disability

Loss of Relationship (past or future) – death, divorce, pet break-up, illness, miscarriage, denial of access to one’s children

Loss of Body Image – change in appearance for any reason: aging, weight gain / loss, baldness, disfigurement due to accident or illness 

Loss of Control – natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, serious illness for self or a loved one

Loss of Health – medical conditions, illnesses, disability, debilitating or terminal diseases

Loss of Home, Property – repossession, fire, flood, robbery

Loss of Identity - marriage, graduation, career, empty nest syndrome, relocation, retirement

Loss of Independence – disability through accident / trauma, change in living situation e.g. entering nursing home, marriage, parenthood 

Loss of Job, Income – redundancy, retirement, career change

Loss of Safety – vulnerable feelings after rape, robbery, natural disasters, terrorism, war  

Loss of Treasured Objects – favourite objects, family heirlooms lost or destroyed through fire / flood / accident / theft

Loss of Trust – infidelity, other kinds of betrayal, theft, rape, robbery

Unresolved grief can leave people feeling stuck, jaded, lost, unmotivated or anxious or any combination of these.  This in turn may cause them to lose sight of who they are.  Losing oneself is probably the biggest loss of all and impacts the most on our ability to live life fully.

It does require courage, but it is possible to find your way back to yourself, no matter how long ago you wandered off your true course.  Once you have gone on the journey to find who you really are underneath the layers of protection that you may have lived with for years, you are then free to live authentically.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us - it is in everyone.

And as we let our own Light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fears,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson